FROM THE BLOG +

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YOUR FIXIE IS PLAYED OUT
by Joe Korbuszewski
1/4/2013

As you may know, we here at Camp666 have a love/hate relationship with bicycles and the people who ride them.

In the past year or two, Tacoma’s hip kids followed in the footsteps of the Portland elite and started getting into cycling. Before you could say, "flop and chop," we were inundated with multicolored fixies, deep v wheels and a bunch of kids who looked an awful lot like bike messengers; The vast majority of which never thought about how they were going to stop their bike until they were already pedaling way too fast.

(Everyone knows that brakes are for pussies.)

fixie
fixie
As the fad reached its peak, UPS kids were riding to the bar to drink $2 canned beer on a bike with $700 wheels and finally, as the 'regular people' caught on to this craze, Target started selling THESE.

Now that the advent of big box fixies has left Tacoma’s hip cyclists wondering what to do next, we at Camp666 have come up with the answer...

idiots
The High Wheel: Properly known as the penny-farthing or ‘P-Far’ if you’re cool. The penny-farthing is the single most inefficient method of transportation ever invented and thus, it is the next logical step to the fixed-gear bicycle.

P-fars are the original fixies. The pedals are attached directly to the front wheel and there are no brakes. They are extremely awkward to mount, more awkward to steer and you haven’t really crashed a bike until you crash one while sitting five feet above the asphalt.

STOP IT

The best part about the penny-farthing is that it allows you to tie together all of the things that everyone hates about you: Your Rollie Fingers mustache, highwater pants and tweed vest will now look period correct while you disobey stop signs on a bike with no brakes.

iBike

If the fact that your six-colored fixie just doesn't stand out anymore upsets you, I can assure you that everyone will notice your 59er P-far.

59er, bro!

But wait! What if everyone in town starts riding p-fars? How will yours stand out?

Simple; customize that shit like you did your old fixie. Throw some drops on that bitch and wrap them in neon yellow tape. Get yourself a fifty-nine inch deep V and think of how many spoke cards you can fit in that motherfucker!

NOhaters gonna hate "Yes, Suck my balls, indeed, sir!"



haberdasher "I ride mine to the haberdasher every fortnight. I don't wish to be a wet blanket, but it really takes moxie to keep your dogs from getting mollywhopped. And of course, one has to be careful not to get hit by a flivver while checking the gams on a flapper."






So there you have it, readers. If you really want to keep it really real, get a P-far. Your buddy's fixie will look like a 29-speed carbon road bike compared to your choice of cycle and you can scoff at his wheels of equal size whilst tipping your tweed cap to his girlfriend.

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